Raising a Teen with Asperger's

Haven't posted in awhile so i thought I would post some thoughts on what it's like raising a teenager with Asperger's.  You'd think by the time you got to the teen years with an Aspie child that you would be a pro at all the in's and out's - well I can tell you when you get to the teen years it's like starting over from scratch!  When your Aspie is younger you are able to make playdates for them and be sure they have friends - most kids aren't overly concerned with being "cool" at a young age and are into Simpsons and video games and playing with toys.  So you spend most of your time focusing on getting them set up in school, making sure they have what they need to be successful and achieve to the greatest of their ability.  You focus on getting them the "iron clad" IEP and teaching them how to deal with their frustrations.  You don't truly notice the difference between your Aspie and a "non-aspie" child.

When your Aspie becomes a teen it's like someone has stopped you in your tracks, smashed you in the face with a sledge hammer and put a big red blinking light over your child to point out that they are not like the other kids.  Most Aspie kids are not interested in girls and if they are they have no idea how to deal with those thoughts and spend an awful lot of time in their rooms with the door closed - I guess they are more like non-aspie's than I thought LOL.  They aren't into going out with a group of friends and hanging out at the mall, the movie's or just walking around town.  An Aspie kid is more interested in whatever it is they are currently obsessed with - in my son's case it's video games and the computer.  They will spend hours on end on these devices if left to their own accord.

In our journey into the teenage years with our son we've seen a bit of a regression lately with his social self.  We moved to a new house last August and friends of ours live on the street who have 3 girls - one who is our son's age (16), one who is our twins age (12) and a little one who is 7.  I'll give you one guess who our son is the closes with and plays with the most.....if you guessed the 7 yr old you would be correct!  Our son finds it much more fun to play doll's, watch TV and play video games with the youngest than to spend any time with the older girls.  He seems to relate the best to the 7 yr old - which with him makes sense because he's most of the time he's probably socially a 9 yr old.  It makes me crazy though because when in the right situation he is a perfect 16 yr old.  When it comes to babysiting his brothers for us, he's a responsible 16 yr old who will not go to sleep until his brothers are asleep or we are home.  He recently got his permitt and put him behind the wheel and he is the most focused and clear headed, responsible 16 yr old there is.

We do our best to make sure he gets to experience the things that all non-aspie kids do like dances and football games even though it's up to us to know they are happening because he'll never tell us - or should I say never "think" to tell us - because why would he?  It makes me crazy because one minute he's playing dolls with a 7 yr old and the next he's going by himself to the Semi-Formal at school and dancing the night away alone having the time of his life.

I guess what we find out as we raise our Aspie children is that they are enigma's - constanly suprising, constantly changing and constantly frustrating us.  The key is trying to find the balance between it all and enjoy all the ups and downs because when it comes down to it, we wouldn't trade them for the world!

Till next time.....

Does Cancer Require Validation?

So does cancer require validation or is the diagnosis itself validation enough?  Since I was diagnosed 6mths ago in November of 2011 I felt this need for validation.  I think my need comes from the treatment I received from certain family members who made me feel as though my cancer wasn't good enough because they knew people who had had Stage 4 and mine was only Stage 2.  I didn't feel my cancer was good enough because I wasn't "actively dying" (exact words of a family member).  Cancer is such a difficult word to hear and to wrap your brain around, but having people belittle you and your diagnosis makes it that much harder.  You start to wonder, am I being unreasonable in my fears?  Am I making more of this than it truly is?  You become afraid to talk to people about your feelings and fears, you learn to answer questions quickly and simply - when someone ask how you are you quickly say "good" and end it there afraid that they too will turn on you like others have.

I was recently invited to a Survivors Dinner for a Relay for Life Walk in a town near by - I ended up not attending because I felt like I didn't deserve the invitation, my cancer was/is in control and all it took was surgery and radiation and now meds.  Because I didn't have chemo and didn't loose my hair, am I not as much of a survivor as those who did, because I am still here and cancer hasn't gotten me am I any less of a cancer patient?

I've now been invited by the same group to be a part of the kick-off Survivors Lap for the Relay and I think (at least for now) that I just might go.  I've talked to so many amazing, supportive people on-line, but I think it's time to talk to and meet people in person to see if I can find the validation I feel I need.

So does cancer require validation or is the diagnosis itself validation enough?  I'm still not sure I have the answer to this question....